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15 April 2009

My Name is>>

Hi, My name is Stephanie and I have a problem. I like donuts. And anything else made out of butter, sugar, shortening, etc. In fact I like anything, sweet, fried, or unhealthy.

Today was (going to be) the first day back on the wagon. Yet one of my fabulous fellow co-workers had to bring in items to tempt me. The lack of my food willpower is astonishing. I can say no donuts and/or anything else sweet and two seconds later my fingers are covered in sticky sweet glaze.

I was just reading on CNN about a new drug that is an anti-addiction pill and works well for drug and alcohol addicts. When are the drug companies going to come out with an anti food addiction pill???? Is it because they get make millions on all the fat people in this world? Or are they in cahoots with cable television who wants to keep as many people as fat as possible so they wont get their lazy asses off the couch. What ever it is the outcome is not good for me.

I seem to have no will power on stopping the cycle of unhealthy food intake. Everyday I say I am going to stop and every day I shove another donut, or brownie, or ice cream sandwich in my mouth and then hate myself after. I work so hard at working out to lose weight but can't seem to stop eating shit for food in order to actually lose the weight.

Its funny, I tell people I am the only one in the world to train for a half marathon and gain weight and they say in a sweet voice "it's probably muscle". Hate to tell ya people, but running doesn't create that much muscle only strength training does. They then say in that same sweet voice.. "oh your making that up, you look really skinny". It sounds bad but I really wish people wouldn't say shit like this. I appreciate that they want to make me feel better but as a society we need to be honest. I do think that there are a lot of women out there who say " I'm fat" in a whiny voice for attention, but I am not one.. Or perhaps I am. What I want people to say is "yes, you are getting kind of fat" or " I have noticed you gaining some weight too" or "quit eating like shit and maybe your clothes will fit better". I want people to be honest. I want to hear the ugly truth. Maybe it will make me think twice when going for that donut or that brownie or those fries.

I am not that overweight right now and I know this but my goal is to be 150 lbs. I don't feel that I am striving for some unbelievably unhealthy ( in a scrawny way) number. I feel that 150 is a great weight for a person who is 5'8". Perhaps it is still a bit bigger and yeah, I would love to weigh 135, but that is never going to happen and I know that. I know my body type and my body type is not meant to be 135, unless of course I decided to starve myself and even then I probably wouldn't approach that number.

Well anyways I am Stephanie and I have a problem, but I am bound and determined to solve and destroy my problem. If you see me out please don't joke or be all sweet and kind, be honest. I want to know. You would want to know if you had a huge green leafy thing sticking in between your 2 front teeth right. Well I want to know how I appear to others without manners in the mix:)

1 comment:

Melissa said...

The problem is that you Don't appear fat to anyone else but yourself!!! How many donuts did you eat?? I am supposed to yell at you for that, but since I had pizza for lunch (and I won't rationalize it having no calories because it was free)so you should be yelling at me too.
We both suck and lack willpower. BUT we are going to conqure our fat and be hot and thin(er) soon!!!
Be good my friend, I need you to be for me.