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28 January 2010


I realize lately all I have done is vent, bitch, whine, moan, complain, harp, and kvetch on this site but hey.. I got a lot to say about a lot of bullcuss. Speaking of bullcuss, did I mention how HILARIOUS the movie "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" is. Thank goodness I decided to just shut my pie hole (other pie hole dirty mind) for once and go watch it with some friends. Now this was weeks ago but still the movie had me busting out the whole time. Something about the witty, dry humor really infused me with happiness and frivolity (um.. not really. I just wanted to use the word frivolity somewhere in this post and I couldn't think of anywhere it really fit in). I mean how often do movies have possums that play semi-dead every time the fox talking to them says something about food? Really? I mean really? I mean a fox who knows karate and a badger who is good at dynamite. You can't beat that with a wooden spoon or a dead chicken.

Okay , okay back on my bitchfest topic of the day. As you may or may not know I bought a house back at the beginning of November and I moved out of my shitty Virginia Highlands slumlord-owned apartment .. back in the beginning of November. Well the bitch of the day comes from the fact that I still have not received my $550 security deposit from the tools that own the place. I tried to be nice about it. I called the fat ass, slovenly, world of warcraft loving, 20+ year old virgin apartment manager up numerous times asking politely in my sweet south georgia drawl (yeah right.. if anything I sound like I am straight from the streets of Compton) if I could pretty please, with sugar on top get my money. Dude changed his story every week or so.

"Oh, I talked to the owner, he's looking over stuff"

"Oh ,I spoke with him, he's writing a check"

"Oh, he forgot to write the check, he should be writing and sending it off"

"Oh, we need your new address"

"Oh, he said it's mailed"

"Oh, he forgot to mail it. He will mail it tomorrow"

"Oh he said it's in the mail"

"Oh, he just now put it in the mail"

and on ... and on ... and on

Until finally I womaned up. I found out that landlords in the state of GA have 30 days from the move out date to return your deposit or tell you why you aren't getting your deposit back. Thanks go out to my lovely friend Christina (who in reality spells her name the stripper way; can you guess how it's spelled from that description?? Come on, I dare you!) for that tidbit of information. Now that we are on to 82 days from move out I decided to send that sum'a'bitch owner a certified letter that basically says if you don't get off your ass and give me my money I will sue you. Or something like that, only in much more polite sweet southerly tones. So anyways my vent/bitch/kvetch of the day goes to this fucker who is trying to play with this Jew's money. Don't we all know that you don't fuck with a Jewish American princess? An analogy would be standing between a Homer and beer.

Picture of the day is:

25 January 2010


Why do they have to wear a girl out so much? I did barely anything this weekend except drink, eat, and watch some TV. Hey, it was raining, don't judge me;) After the brouhaha Friday night with the ladies and a couple of certain gentlemen I was plumb wo' out on Saturday so I sat my ass on the couch and proceeded to watch 3 movies in a row. Yes, that's right, I am lazy... but like I said it was rainy and cold so I really wasn't feeling like going outside. I was planning on a 2nd night out Saturday night but my friends weren't cooperating so only one night out for me. I have to tell you what bitch I am though. While extremely intoxicated I told a guy to his face that I thought he was pitiful. Who says that? Surprisingly,he didn't kick me out of his house and I was able to sleep unhindered. It was only the next morning that the memory surfaced and I felt guilty as hell on the ride home. I think this unfiltered mouth of mine might cause me to spend the rest of my life as a single maid, but only if I can't get my filter to kick in.

I am going to leave you with a picture of this beautiful succulent garden I planted in an old metal pot. This picture was taken a month or so ago when I planted the sucker. It no longer looks like this since the plant on the far left of the picture has already died and the plant in the middle is hanging on by a strand... god bless the black thumb I have.

21 January 2010

Googley goo

It has come to my attention today that apparently if you type "why", "why d", or "why does into the google search blank out will drop a list of the top searches for each. The top searches for the phrase "why does" are "why does my vag smell", "why does kim zolziak wear a wig" and "why does poop float". When typing in "why d" the top searchs are "why do men have nipples", "why do cats purr", and the kim zolziak question again. When typing "why" the top searches are "why is the sky blue", "why is my poop green", and "why did I get married"....however the funniest search question listed has to be "why can't I own a canadian". Who types that??? Apparently so many people have asked that question it makes it in the top search box, but really, who typed that?? So odd. See the picture below if you don't believe me. and let me answer the question- You can't own a Canadian because they don't obey well.

On to you holding me responsible for my ass fattening actions- well guess what, I apparently don't care what you think very much since my work out regimen has yet to start. Let me give you the low down of excuses. I was planning to start Saturday but then I had a lot of stuff to do and no time to get it done before I had to get ready for this party I went to. On to Sundays excuse- I had a total of 3 hours of sleep before I left the party house and did a couple of pet sits. I then got a couple more hours of sleep trying to get rid of my sweetwater-induced headache. I then woke up and vegged out all day not moving from my seat unless I was going to get water, food, or use the restroom. I had Monday off so I went to Brittany's Barn where I got to ride 2 horses; one lazy mare who killed my legs while I was trying to get her to work, the other, a head strong mare who killed my shoulder muscles with her having a bit too much go. Hey, riding counts as exercise right?? When I got home Monday I knew I would be in for some pain since my leg, ass, and shoulder muscles were already bunched and painful (its been awhile since my last time riding). I planned on starting up some running on Tuesday but when I awoke I realized that my thighs, ass, and shoulders were on fire. I really did walk funny on Tuesday- the pain was horrendous in a good way. No work out on Tuesday. I planned on waking up early on Wednesday and getting a run in. not only did I not wake up at 5:30 which is what my alarm clock was set for, but I woke at 8:30 which is past time I should be at work. I thought I would put of the run until the night, except that I remembered that I was taking the 'rents out to a nice dinner. No run for me, b/c my jew fro can't handle a shower with no wait time. On to today's work out which hasn't happened yet. The goal is to either run or go to spin class today. Let's see that happen. Have faith in my friend, b/c I sure as hell don't have faith in myself.

14 January 2010

Let the Resolutions Begin

So I made a couple of resolutions this year.

#1) Get back on the workout train - I fell off about 6 months ago
#2) Start eating healthy again - Again??? I don't think I ever ate that healthy to begin with
#3) Run the ING half marathon - This kind of goes along with the whole working out thing. Maybe if I have a goal I can stick to it.
#4) Become a better person and be nicer to people - actually this isn't true. I didn't really make this resolution, I just wanted you to believe that I make resolutions that are good for the world, but I don't...because I am a selfish whore...who is selfish.. and could care less about others..and being nice to them;)

So how are my resultions going you ask?? Um, they're not. I have yet to work out more than twice in the New Year and with that said it looks like I probably wont be running the ING. Not like running really matters in the ING since when I ran it last year I saw people walking about 1/8 mile from the start. Really???You are already worn out you fat ass??? Only 12+ more miles to go:) I swore that I would never do that and I didn't.. last year. I ran the whole thing and didn't stop once despite the searing pain in my leg that started 2 miles in. It's all good though. On to my other resolution, eating well. I started out okay... healthy food, no sweets, but I have since eaten a lot of unhealthy foods like pizza, fudge, and cake. I don't know what it is but I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I am getting to become the Michelin version of myself. {hangs my head in shame} I am going to make this promise to you friends... I am going to stop with the craziness. I pledge to stop eating any sweets here and now and I pledge to start working out. Oh and another thing, my pledge doesn't start until this weekend since I have a wine club party tonight where the drink of choice is champagne and there will be plenty of good bites.

I am going to leave you with a picture of Bella the bad ass and Hobie the hooligan in the living room of my new house. Don't be jealous that my dogs live in the lap of luxury.

13 January 2010

Belated Postings

Not much going on in my life other than my new hot carpenter who is, at this moment, working on my house. I didn't know he was hot until i went to let him in my house today. That's right ladies, he's in my house. Actually he

06 January 2010

The circle of life...with a bloody ending

A couple of weeks ago a friend at work told me she saw some beautiful cedar waxwings eating berries in the trees. I have loved cedar waxwings ever since ornithology class in college (can you say NERD) and was super amped to see these birds in person for the first time. You see, cedar waxwings don't hang around Georgia for long, they generally use us either as winter nesting ground or as a stop in their migration route. Their call is an interesting high pitched whistle and they love berries. Click this link to see a picture Anyhoo, I went and saw about 15 of these cuties munching on some berries outside my office. At that moment I decided I must bring my camera to work tomorrow with my 80-300 zoom lens and a tripod. Shockingly enough I remembered to bring my camera the next morning. As I was walking in to work with camera (no case) in hand a hawk swooped in front of me and landed on a low hanging tree limb right next to the parking area. I immediately put my camera to my eye and turned it on. As I was zooming in I heard a bird screeching loudly and then witnessed the hawk fly into an evergreen next to his low hanging limb and land on the ground with this bird in his grip. At once I snapped a couple of photos quickly and then realized auto focus was off which I quickly changed, which is why the first photo is so blurry. I still wanted to include it so you could see the hawk sitting on the blue jay. The Blue Jays mate screamed for awhile and eventually quieted down. I took some photos while the Hawk was on the ground squeezing the jay to death and then the hawk flew off to enjoy his meal alone. The lesson learned is to always keep a camera handy and never have it on on manual focus.. just in case.

Hawk with Jay in his grasp- just caught it

Hawk waiting for blye jay to die
Hawk right before he flew off

04 January 2010

IOU in this day and age

So I needed to drop y'all a quick line, especially since I have been much too busy over the holidays to update this bad boy. I am not going to name names but I had to tell y'all about this small family-owned sandwich shop I went to today. I had heard good things about this place as well as how cheap it was so I decided today was the day to go. Actually my forgetfulness this morning was what decided it for me since I didn't feel like walking back down the street to go back and get my lunch.. I decided that lentil and sausage soup (homemade by me, bitches) would taste just as good for dinner as it would for lunch. Oh shout out to Matt for hooking me up with the recipe- I strayed a bit but it was still tasted mighty tasty. Any hoo I go into this restaurant where I am greeted by what is obviously the owners children.

"what can I get you.. do you want a sample?"says the middle schooler

"Can I taste the mushroom soup?" me

"damn, that's tasty" me, "can I get that to go and the turkey, walnut, apple wrap?"

"Oh you work for the Fire Department (due to me wearing my sweet fire dept sweatshirt with my name emblazoned on it)" says owner, "give her a discount" ( to other daughter).

Sweet.. me thinking it

"$9.10" says daughter

"here's my card" me

"We don't take credit cards" owner

"I only have $7.. just give me a smaller soup, please" me

"it's okay... we will just take an IOU.. just pay us back when you get it" owner

RRRRRRRRRRRRRR... what- an IOU; who does that?? Perhaps someone should tell this restaurant owner that this is 2010, aka twenty ten, aka two thousand ten, aka zero ten. What in the world is this craziness? I only thought IOU's were given to your parents when you obviously would not pay them back but wanted to seem like you are a sweet child and when playing monopoly. Craziness I tell you.

"ummmm.. are you sure? I can run go get the money now" me

"It's okay, we can do that, we are family run" the older daughter running the register says

"don't make a special trip, just bring it next time" says the owner

So while the soup was mighty tasty the sandwich was blah to me, but due to this woman's whole-hearted trusting nature I now feel like I must go back multiple times just because of her believing in me in a world where people running the register get pissed if you are short ten cents.

Sorry for the horrible quotes and horrid writing- I am a bit busy and have no time to think about trivial things such as grammar or sentence structure ;)

PS- I am not writing the restaurants name just in case some of you in the blogosphere feel like abusing the sweetness of this owner.