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30 August 2010

Pity Party

I was hanging with some friends the other day when a friend who happens to be 33 and single told me and another girl that she had been throwing a pity party for herself. The main reason, amongst others, stems from her gyno informing her at her yearly visit that now is the time to start thinking about freezing her eggs. My friend, who happens to be in the health care profession and knows that your egg "health" goes down at age 35, was freaked out to say the least. She, like most women, had planned on getting married and having a child naturally. She didn't want to be brought down by the fact that if she is not married and trying for babies in the next 2 years, that shit is gonna get a lot tougher for her.

While I don't want kids and I don't really care to be married anytime soon it sort of got me thinking too. Then two more blows hit.. my 29th birthday is in 5 days and I happened to be going to spend it with a bunch of my friends on the beach. The thing about this trip to the beach is that every single one of my friends is now bringing a significant other. Two of them are married- cool. One of them happens to own the place we are staying at- that's obviously fine. The other 4 people have no fucking excuse. Why this bothers me so much I don't know. Maybe because it's automatic pairings; after all 3 is a crowd. Maybe it is because I always thought I would at least have someone special by now. Maybe it's because I want to hang out with my friends and not have some weird couple dynamic kicking in the group.

I was never the girl who had to have a boyfriend. If anything, I like being independent. I can go where I want, when I want, with whom I want any time I want. I can buy whatever and decorate my house without judgement. Still though, 29 means that I am a year away from 30. It also means that more and more of my friends are pairing up and I will be left behind. Despite some friends thinking that nothing will ever change, I know what happens when people get married. They start having to split time between groups and friends and between themselves which means less friend time. Then they start having children. They might go out here and there for a chance to get away, but the more likely scenario is that they want to hang out with like minded couples who have children so they can bring about what great children they have and they can discuss developmental issues with like minded individuals. They can't go out that much due to said children, and their partner thinks that if they do go out they might get in to trouble. Marrieds with children always seem to look down upon us singles. It pisses me off and while I never plan on being in their boat since I sure as hell don't want a Stephanie Junior running around I would love to find that perfect guy who is my best friend so that I don't care so much when friends start spending all the time with their guy and kid and none of their time with me.

On to guys; one of my friends made the comment the other day that sort of pissed me off. When I told her I had gone on a couple of dates with a new guy and wasn't really feeling it, she said "what else is new?". It angered me. While again not looking for a husband, I would like the guy I am interested in to meet all physical and mental needs. I am not just gonna date somebody to say I have somebody. If I am not feeling it, I'm not feeling it. The friend, who shall remain nameless, tends to constantly be in relationships and honestly, the guys she dates aren't attractive- to me anyway. Maybe she tends to be more open or maybe I am just picky. Whatever it is I am sick of the assumption I don't try. I do.. I go to bars. I try and always make it to different friends gatherings so that I can meet new people. I have even tried online dating. It is just hard. It always seems like whenever I meet a guy I connect with they are married, dating, or don't get my number. The online people, while nice on paper and screen, never seem to spark anything in me. I'm gonna keep on keeping on, but damn it gets harder every day and this impending birthday soon to be shared with a whole bunch of couples is really not helping anything.

So anyone out there want to join in on my mini pity party? I promise that good food and lots of alcohol will be served.

At least Bella won't leave me:


Anonymous said...

babies! babies! there are babies on the runway!!! hang in there kid.


Stephie Z said...

Thanks T:)